Waiting 'n' wondering....

Sorry it's been a while since I've updated my blog.

I've had some massive changes...number one being my and The Bear aren't speaking. That in itself is a long story but to say I'm surprised and bitterly disappointed in him is putting it mildly.

Hey ho...life goes on.



I have no idea if I'll make a good mum...thankfully everyone I know seems to have faith in me and hey if the road gets tough I've got supportive family in my parents, my brother and a ton of cousins and a fabulous bunch of mates.

My health has been awful from gestational diabetes, to Graves disease, to crazy weight loss and thumping heart palpitations and a gazillion health appointments.....and all the way through it I've been willing Beanie to stay strong and hang in there. So far, so good.....

We're a team already and I haven't even met him or her yet. It's truly bonkers the affection i feel for this little person already that it sometimes scares me.


I'm now 37 weeks and very excited to meet my Beanie!

Motherhood....? Bring it on!

Father's Day.....

It's so weird to think this time next year, The Bear and I will have a seven month old boy or girl!

Testing times...

I used to joke with The Bear that he's got more baggage than the lost and found section of Heathrow Terminal 5. This week...after five years of 'knowing' this man, I realised it wasn't a joke.

boobs, bras & besties...

Can you believe it...what if this half of the species invented the bra(!)

Heading into week seven according to my scan and my boobs are killing me. I wake up in agony and have to cup them when getting out of bed. The feeling is similar to having a large lead weight inserted into them.

The suffering must stop...time for a new bra.

7 weeks today...

...and boy has it been a roller coaster!

No nausea, but raging hormones. I went ballistic at OH yesterday via text message over something minor, thankfully he didn't respond angrily :)

Boobs have a life of their own...big then smaller but always heavy. I bought a new bra at mothercare - non under wired which I haven't worn since 13!

It takes a bit of getting used to. I was wearing a 34F and now measure 40 DD?! Hmm, methinks I'll get measured at my usual Fenwicks or Bravissimo instead....

Mothercare got us signed up for their Mum and baby club with discounts, the hard sell for pushchairs currently on sale started at check out but we stayed firm!


Everyone at work is doing my head in.

I'm irritable.

I'm tired beyond belief to the point where it's distracting.

I'm constantly worrying, which was not helped by seeing a brown smudge in my pants yesterday morning. it didn't return though so fingers crossed....

I'm bloated ...my boss said "I think you're starting to show" i could have thrown my stapler at him!

Random ranting,so apologies.

All i want is to stop worrying and have baby in my arms.

That is all.

6 +1 - halfway through 1st trimester

Baby Boomers variety of daffodil - fantastic name!

I've made it to my sixth week and am still nervous, but a little less so.

Updates so far: I have an early scan booked for 24th March when I'm 8 +2 and my booking appointment for the 2nd April! I should be 9 +4 by then....it seems like ages away....I hope beanie makes it 

Emotions: becoming more excited and less nervous. The nerves come back in waves

Main thoughts: 'Is beanie sticking? ' 'have people worked it out?'

Physical symptoms: waking up hungry, swollen / full heavy boobs. Still no nausea, so I suppose that's a good thing? Had a crazy amount of energy yesterday. Stoll waking up in early hours of morning.

Halfway through my first trimester....

I really want to enjoy this, but my anxiety levels keep creeping up, which i know is no good for me and beanie. The Bear is very comforting, tells me to remain positive and take a day at a time....each day is sooooo long haha!

The girls on babycentre are great at cheering everyone up and on...if any of you are reading 'thanks!' xx

Any tips for relaxing would be great if you've got 'em!

Yours ,

somewhat neurotic from London x

February 2012

BFFP Month - big fat feb positive!

Wow, so February was a pretty amazing month....

4 +2

Today by my calculations I am 4 weeks and 2 days, or 16 dpo, or the equivalent of cd 31

I had the urge to poas on my CB digi and guess what.....?

It said 'Pregnant  3+' !!!!

3+!!!!!

I'm so happy it's unreal.

I swing between total terror that this will be snatched away from me to sheer joy.

The new reading has also confused me, as according to Clearblue, this means I am over five weeks pregnant, which by my maths is incorrect.

But hey, what really matters is that the hormones are going in the right direction :)

3+ weeks since conception, or 5 weeks pregnant but I'm only 4 +2 at most.

Other news:  I asked The Bear whether we should go for a private scan...he's not so keen and thinks it could be damaging to the bean. I can't hold out for another 7-8 weeks! It's all I can think about....

Ah well, we'll see....

4 +1

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Today marks, the first day after my expected af.

I was so nervous yesterday, expecting to see Big Red turn up. Thankfully nothing.

No can do?

Sometimes I wonder whether The Bear is still committed to TTC.

I'm hoping we don't have a repeat of Decembers shenanigans

It's less than a week to O Day and I'm ready to pounce! 

I know he gets tired and really he'd like to say this.....

January 2012

This month starts off much better than the last one ended!

The Bear and I have talked. Talked more openly than we have done in ages.

December 2011

The month started with a period.....and ended with one too...

November 2011

First month TTC.
Signed up with Babycentre.co.uk - a wealth of support and information!
Started with vitamins, bought some IC OPKs.
Gave up on the OPKs.

Bracing myself for subsequent months.
The Bear and I are happy... excited even!