Testing times...

I used to joke with The Bear that he's got more baggage than the lost and found section of Heathrow Terminal 5. This week...after five years of 'knowing' this man, I realised it wasn't a joke.

7 weeks today...

...and boy has it been a roller coaster!

No nausea, but raging hormones. I went ballistic at OH yesterday via text message over something minor, thankfully he didn't respond angrily :)

Boobs have a life of their own...big then smaller but always heavy. I bought a new bra at mothercare - non under wired which I haven't worn since 13!

It takes a bit of getting used to. I was wearing a 34F and now measure 40 DD?! Hmm, methinks I'll get measured at my usual Fenwicks or Bravissimo instead....

Mothercare got us signed up for their Mum and baby club with discounts, the hard sell for pushchairs currently on sale started at check out but we stayed firm!


Everyone at work is doing my head in.

I'm irritable.

I'm tired beyond belief to the point where it's distracting.

I'm constantly worrying, which was not helped by seeing a brown smudge in my pants yesterday morning. it didn't return though so fingers crossed....

I'm bloated ...my boss said "I think you're starting to show" i could have thrown my stapler at him!

Random ranting,so apologies.

All i want is to stop worrying and have baby in my arms.

That is all.

January 2012

This month starts off much better than the last one ended!

The Bear and I have talked. Talked more openly than we have done in ages.

December 2011

The month started with a period.....and ended with one too...

Mechanical?!

I should be sleeping.... Well, I should be doing many things. At least that's what I've told myself. Like all 'good girls' I've got my list of 'shoulds....'

 Top of the list at the moment is 'I should be able to make a baby with relative ease....' Daft. And painful.

 It's our first month TTC and if I'm honest I secretly hoped for a BFP, but rationalised the odds were unlikely.

 One day late, the mother of all headaches, a bloated gut, much boob prodding, a bout of the trots followed by constipation, daily Pregnacare tablets, several -ive HPTs, many hours spent squinting at said HPTs, ordering a dozen HPTs off eBay and a bit of research into soy isoflavens (why does it sound like a vegan sports drink?)......

and nada. zip. zilch.

So as any anally retentive woman like me would do...I got myself a plan...of sorts. it basically involves using pre seed and trying the SMEP.

Spoke with Mr and he was up for the SMEP. His response was "Oh, sounds good so we basically have lots of sex then ?" Then he got all gropey as they tend to do.

Where I went wrong was getting all angsty about it and going into detail about the SMEP....Information overload.

Mr looked a bit put out....

"Hmmm" he goes. Yep that's right "hmmmm" which is never a good thing coming out of my Mr's gob, as it means he;s been caught and is thinking up a story like a naughty school boy or is unahppy.

Me: "What's 'hmmm' for?" eyebrows raised as though to say ' I DARE you to annoy me right now....go on"

Never one to turn down a non verbal dare Mr says

"Well we don't want it to get too mechanical now do we"

Too mechanical.

Too mechanical!

Great. 

'So you're worried that sex with me will be like having sex with Metal Mickey or a combine harvester? Cheers hon(!)' 

We're only four weeks into this malarky....what if we're still trying a year down the line...will he be bored of sex with me?! Hearing him use the word mechanical to describe (albeit future) sex with me was more than a little heartbreaking....

The funny thing is I can't even put him on rations....grrr! 

Ah well..... maybe I need to add another 'should' to the list....

I should chill out......

Fingers crossed!